Psychology: strengthening self-esteem! How is self-esteem created? What are the effects of low self-esteem? How can you strengthen it?
Psychology: strengthening self-esteem! Why It’s So Important to Value Yourself
A healthy self-esteem is a fundamental building block for a fulfilling life. It influences how we think, feel, act – and how we relate to ourselves and others. However, many people suffer from low self-esteem without directly recognizing it. In this post, you will learn how self-esteem develops, the effects of low self-esteem, especially in relationships, and the ways to sustainably strengthen your self-worth.
The Development of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem develops early in childhood. It is strongly shaped by the behavior of those around us: The amount of appreciation, praise, and emotional security we receive influences our inner belief about “how much” we are worth. Experiences in school, with friends, and later in the workplace also shape our self-esteem.
If we were often criticized, devalued, or ignored, a low self-esteem can develop. Repeated negative experiences – such as bullying, emotional neglect, or withdrawal of affection – often lead to the belief that we are “worth nothing.”
What is Healthy Self-Esteem?
Positive self-esteem does not mean feeling great all the time or being better than others. Rather, it is about treating yourself with respect, being aware of your strengths and weaknesses – and appreciating yourself, regardless of performance or external recognition.
People with healthy self-esteem are more likely to handle criticism, set boundaries, and maintain healthy relationships. They know their worth without constantly needing to prove it.
Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can manifest in different ways. Common symptoms of low self-esteem include:
- Excessive self-criticism
- Feeling inferior to others
- Strong fear of rejection or criticism
- Dependency on external validation
- Difficulty saying “no”
- Issues in relationships
- Tendency toward perfectionism or self-sabotage
A lack of self-esteem is often confused with insecurity or shyness. However, even individuals who appear outwardly confident can deeply doubt themselves internally.
Low Self-Esteem in Relationships
Low self-esteem in a partnership can significantly affect emotional balance. Those who feel unworthy of love often seek excessive validation from their partner – or withdraw completely.
Some experience that too little self-confidence destroys the relationship: jealousy, dependency, or emotional manipulation often arise from an inner lack of self-worth.
It is not uncommon for people to report, “I lost my self-confidence because of the relationship.” This can happen when a partner is demeaning, controlling, or emotionally abusive. In such cases, one’s self-worth is massively weakened.
In other cases, the partner may go to great lengths to help an insecure person build up their low self-esteem. However, if the feeling of not being worth anything and therefore not deserving the partner in the first place is too deeply rooted, these efforts are often difficult for the insecure partner to accept. Sometimes the only way out in the long term is to break up due to a lack of self-esteem.
Another aspect is sexuality. Low self-esteem and sexuality are often closely connected. Some people seek self-worth through promiscuity – frequent, non-committal sexual encounters – to feel “wanted.” However, this validation tends to be short-lived and, in the long term, reinforces the feeling of emptiness.
Low Self-Esteem in Women
Women with low self-esteem often face double pressure: On the one hand, they are expected to be strong, independent, and self-determined – on the other hand, they are expected to appear empathetic, attractive, and pleasing. This balancing act can lead them to lose themselves and be afraid to express their own needs.
When women in relationships experience their partner destroying their self-esteem – e.g. through frequent devaluations, excessive control or so-called infantilisation – they often lose trust in themselves. The question then arises: “No self-esteem – what should I do?”
Low Self-Esteem in Men
Men also suffer from low self-esteem, but often in secret. Traditional gender roles make it difficult for many men to show insecurity or emotional vulnerability – because “being strong” is still considered masculine. As a result, low self-esteem in men is often compensated by excessive focus on achievements, withdrawal, or even aggression.
Many men experience their worth through success, status, or sexual attractiveness. When these forms of validation are absent – such as through job loss or a breakup – their self-esteem can be severely shaken. In relationships, this often manifests as emotional distance, mistrust, or controlling behavior.
Men, too, are allowed to learn how to acknowledge their insecurities, allow emotional depth, and actively engage with their inner self-image. Psychological Therapy and Counselling can provide a safe space for this process.
How to Handle People with Low Self-Esteem
If you have people in your life who are struggling with low self-esteem, it requires a lot of sensitivity. Pressure, criticism, or well-meaning “advice” rarely help. It is more important to show presence, take a genuine interest, and regularly send small signals of appreciation.
You can also actively contribute to strengthening your partner’s self-esteem by making them feel seen and accepted – without trying to “rescue” them. Ultimately, however, each person is responsible for developing their own self-worth.
Therapeutic Approaches to Strengthening Self-Esteem
Psychology: strengthening self-esteem! The good news: low self-esteem is not a destiny, but something that can be changed. There are many ways to improve self-esteem – and psychology offers solid methods to help with this.
In psychological work, the goal is to challenge old thought patterns and develop new, empowering beliefs. Exercises focused on self-awareness, self-compassion, and inner child work help to meet oneself with more understanding.
If you feel your self-confidence is permanently suffering, it may be helpful to seek professional support. A psychologist can help strengthen self-esteem – not through advice, but through targeted guidance on your path back to greater self-acceptance.
Conclusion: Recognizing and Living Your Own Worth
Healthy self-esteem is not a given – but it can be developed and maintained. Perhaps you sometimes feel the opposite of self-esteem: Doubt, insecurity, fear, rejection. But every person deserves to experience themselves as valuable – regardless of mistakes, experiences, or other people’s opinions.
Psychology: strengthening self-esteem! When you begin to take yourself seriously, recognize your needs, and treat yourself kindly, you will notice how your self-image changes. You deserve to value yourself. You deserve to learn to appreciate yourself. Looking for support in the process? Let’s talk about it in a free initial session!
References:
- Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
- Branden, N. (1994). The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Bantam Books.
- Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2014). The development of self-esteem. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23(5), 381–387.
- Baumeister, R. F., Campbell, J. D., Krueger, J. I., & Vohs, K. D. (2003). Does high self-esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles? Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 4(1), 1–44.
- Petermann, F. & Petermann, U. (2012). Selbstwerttraining für Jugendliche und Erwachsene. Hogrefe Verlag.