Nothing could have been: why we run after toxic relationship patterns and how we can sharpen our critical eye.

“Nothing could have been, because it wasn’t.”

When it comes to relationships, we sometimes tend to pursue what is just not meant to be. We romanticize people we don’t even know that well and imagine our lives would be better with them at our side. In fact, however, we sometimes idealise people who don’t treat us very well, use us for their own purposes or put us on hold because they don’t really want to commit to us.

Your reasons for tolerating such a behaviour can be manifold. Perhaps you’ve had negative experiences with your closest carers when you were growing up and are now unconsciously trying to ‘resolve’ those patterns in the here and now to finally achieve a happy ending. You may also have a low self-esteem and want to prove to yourself that you are good enough to persuade an originally uninterested person to make a lasting commitment to you, thus boosting your ego. But how do these struggles effect yourself? Rejection, exhaustion, depression and mood swings are common consequences.

A healthy but critical look at who this person really is, what they have to bring to the table and how well you both fit together can prevent you from sliding into toxic relationships that probably shouldn’t have evolved in the first place.

For example, you can ask yourself whether, how often and to what extent a person actually makes you feel good throughout the day. Instead of thinking about a person’s relationship ‘potential’, you should take a close look at what they actually present to you and ask yourself: ‘Does this behaviour make me happy in the present moment?’

Allow yourself to take a critical look and try to get used to the idea of enjoying your life for yourself until a person crosses your path who your really get along with – you will feel it.

Have you had experiences with toxic relationships that have led you to the conclusion ‘nothing could have been’? What can help you to develop a healthy critical eye on your typical relationship patterns?

Let’s talk about it in a free initial session!

#relationships #healthy #lookcloser